9 comments«12»Anonymous readerReport 2015-04-04 04:04:49Great story, so far. Changing from 1st to 3rd should be avoided but if you going to do it start a new paragraph each time. Indian Porn I heard in her mind, ‘god he so cute and I just want to fuck his brains out.’ The double is heard and the single is thoughts. I would suggest keeping to one perspective at a time. 9 comments«12»Anonymous readerReport 2015-04-04 04:04:49Great story, so far. Keep writing.JohnThomas63118Report 2014-05-14 22:11:14First, this is a good story and imagining, a very nice start to a possible great serial. Keep writing.JohnThomas63118Report 2014-05-14 22:11:14First, this is a good story and imagining, a very nice start to a possible great serial. To help the reader to understand or realize how the message is being delivered. If you going to have two different type of quotes use different methods from speech quotes from mental quotes. None the less keep us posted if you’re going to write another part please!anonymous readerReport 2012-08-10 13:50:37BRILLIANT !!!
