“Are you fucking wanking you filthy bastard?” I asked. Phone rang. Indian xxx “How much?”
“Depends, are you a UK resident or have leave to remain?” I asked
“Oh yes,” he agreed. Summer 2026
It were an ordinary morning. “Fucks sake,” I muttered and grabbed me pencil and wrote his number down, “What a fucking perv.”
After work I did an email to the plod and gave his details, that was months ago and I heard fuck all since. “Oh yes sorry,” he said. “Caucasian, Milk Chocolate, Plain Chocolate, Matt Black what?”
“What does that matter?” he asked
“Skin colour, we have to do a graft, it don’t keep, skin don’t,” I explained, “We get it fresh from Pathology usually, Black’s easy, ten a penny young blacks, knife victims and shootings mainly but Arab can be a bugger, and most Caucasians are either pissed up or drugged up or bloody ancient dead from natural causes, If you want a cunt we use pigs intestine.”
“Oh,” he said.
