good start though. Ex. Indian Porn Men can’t have mutiple orgams, like some women are capable of. you just need to be more descriptive with the actual sex. Flesh it out a bit. the formatting was good and the paragraph length was good. I wish you luck in your future attempts at writing :)anonymous readerReport 2012-08-21 20:56:58no begining a rush to sex and no end equal a WASTE OF TIME do a total rewrite and use a good editor.chance52Report 2012-07-10 18:52:17much like everyone else said, you’re story does need some build up to it. when i open a story, i tend to look at the scroll bar for a quick reference to see how long it is before i read it. Also, a factual problem which is somewhat off putting and severely challenges the credibility of your story. Also character descriptions would probably be a good idea, it doesn’t have to be: “5’5″ tall, 130 pounds, blue eyes, etc” but some kind of description would be nice, maybe just work
